Dear Bioinformatics Professor:
I want you to know I really appreciate all the trust you endow on my abilities. It's truly inspiring seeing how you trust I will look at the numbers and command lines in the papers you assign to me and understand them completely. But that's not all! No, you also give my abilities so much credit that you believe that being able to read the paper would be a true mockery to my obvious genius. So instead of wasting my superhuman analysis capabilities, you assign me the incredible responsibility to criticize these papers! Me!
I am truly humbled, Bioinformatics Professor. With less than a week of classes, you have seen in me potential beyond what is humanly normal, and feel that these few days are enough for someone such as myself to critique the published work of people that have probably been working in this for months! Years, even!
The amount of trust you set on my greatness is moving, Bioinformatics Professor. If I could, I would thank you by making double rainbows to appear all the way across the sky, so you could bask in the immense bliss that only double rainbows can provide.
However, Bioinformatics Professor, I am sad to inform you that I am not able to comply with the expectations you have so kindly set upon my person. It seems that my brain is suffering from a terrible case of low self-esteem and refuses to accept the boundless potential you see on it. It stubbornly declines to process the words and figures and settles for labeling them as computery gibberish. When I mentioned having to write the reviews, it decided to cut off the prefrontal cortex from all electrical stimuli! You see, Bioinformatics Professor, my brain is very serious when it goes on a strike. It will stop at nothing to enforce a point.
The negotiations have so far been useless, and since it's threatening to stop accepting oxygen if I don't give up on what it calls "this foolish quest", I believe I will not be able to coerce it into meeting your standards.
Sincerely,
A grad student in risk of cerebral necrosis
luv it! but this kind of makes me a tinny bit scared regarding grad school, but not to worry Im yet only an undergrad lol! BTW tell your cortex that if my mononeurone could survive physiology she can write a word or two...
ReplyDeleteLol, don't worry, my brain and I came to an agreement. Our criticism of the paper came down to: they're trying to get people to use this new thing they're proposing, but the way they write things is too technical and confusing for a normal biologist to understand!
ReplyDeleteFancy words for: I really didn't get the computer gibberish, but it works.