I'm definitely part vampire

As is the case with many people, I was given a few weeks of much-needed vacation for the holidays. For a normal adult this would mean going to sleep blissfully early, waking up later than usual, being well-rested, happy, going out, and having awesome vacation stories that they can later on share with the world.

I am not a normal adult.

 I'm most likely half-vampire. Or maybe not half (as both my parents seem to be able to deal with time off as normal people), but there's definitely some vampire in my family line, and the vampire trait must be one of those recessive things that hide and hide until it is marvelously awoken in a descendant many generations later. I am definitely that descendant.

Want some evidence?

O.K, let's go over some facts first:

1. Vampires are freakishly pale.

People are not. Unless they're sick or have been stuck underground without any light for too long, "White" people (who by the way, are NEVER white...except for albinos but that's a different issue) usually come in different shades or pink or olive. Vampires are like if you took one of those people, ran them through photoshop and added a bunch of brightness so that the color kind of washed off.

I'm naturally freakishly pale. I'm not that pink on white combination. I'm really like pale-on-pale (which gets accented to a scary degree when I get sick). 

Scoreboard: 1 - Part Vampire / 0 - Full Human

2. Vampires hate sunlight

Sunlight is not good for vampires' health. That's basic textbook fact. They are horribly allergic to it. So much, in fact that they burst into flames by mere contact to sunlight (sorry Twilighters, as hypnotizing as the sparkles are, the sparkly skin is a lie). In fact, sunlight might be the number one cause of vampire deaths in the world (followed closely by sharp wooden and silver stuff).  

Which is why vampires rest during daytime, and come out at nighttime.

Humans thrive under sunlight. They lack all the extra cone vision cells that give other mammals such good night vision. Humans are literally made to function from dawn to dusk. There's a reason little kids draw smiling suns when they are in kinder garden, why people get seasonal disorders during winter. Sun makes humans happy and cheery.

Summarizing: vampires are nocturnal, humans are diurnal. 

On a normal day, I run by schedule. And I freaking hate it.I am completely unable to function on mornings, my productivity is slow and no matter how much I sleep or how much coffee I drink it doesn't seem to go away. I get allergies from the added humidity from the morning dew, I'm usually in a terrible mood in the mornings, and all I really feel like is burying my head under the covers and ignoring all the morning-ny sounds. My brain doesn't start to run efficiently until around 4 pm! Sunlight is alright....as long as I'm not in it's way.

It seems I'm just nocturnal, and I'm going to have to accept myself as that. Now....if only my boss would be so understanding.


Scoreboard: 2 - Part Vampire / 0 - Full Human

3. Silver Hurts Vampires

 Remember how I'd said that vampires are allergic to sunlight? Well, some of them seem to be allergic to silver as well. And wood. If any of those things penetrates their skin, they can literally.....well, I guess not die, they're undead, so cease existing.

Obviously, humans don't have this problem, as silver and wood are 2 materials very popularly used in jewelry.

Now let me tell you a story from when I was a kid and still cared somewhat about fitting in. As it happens every few years, silver had become the new gold, and for girls using silver earrings was the way to be cool. So of course, I nagged and nagged my mom until she gave in and bought me a pair of small silver hoops to wear. 

 

Oh yeah....forgot to mention overalls were the coolest thing that year, too. Don't you just love the 90s?

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Turns our I'm horribly allergic to silver. Had I kept the earrings on for a few more days I would've been in serious trouble.

Right before I started college, wooden earrings became extremely fashionable. I had just had my second set of earlobe piercings done, so I though, why not go for it?

Yeah....allergic reaction. I was not able to wear a second pair of earrings for years!!

Scoreboard: Vampire 3-Human 0

So I think it's pretty clear so far that I probably have some vampire ancestry somewhere. I'm somewhat of a lame dumphir, with all the effects and none of the cool powers. 

So what does that have to do with being unable to use my vacations like a normal adult? Well, I start out completely motivated to make the most of my day.  I decide early that I'm going to go to bed at a normal hour, wake up early the next day, work out and be so freaking productive that I would have to make up new responsibilities just to fill in the blanks in my timeline. 

So I get on my computer and start being "productive". Then I take a break and go on YouTube for a while. Then facebook. Then find some random cool website through stumble upon. And suddenly it's 3 am. 

I fool myself into thinking that I could get less hours of sleep and still be productive the next day. When my phone alarm goes off the next morning, a vicious cycle of snooze button starts. When the sun comes up,

By the time my body feels like getting up, it's like noon. By the time I'm actually ready to go out and be productive, the sun is starting to set and pretty much every place I needed to go to is closed.

I fail at vacation productivity.

I should really start an awareness group to the disabilities of part-vampires. Maybe then I won't have to change my normal biological clock just to meet the crazy schedules of the people who don't have any "creature of the night" ancestry....